Privacy Policy

We collect nothing. We store nothing. We track nothing. We know nothing about you, your visit, your browser, your location, or your scratching habits.

The only data saved on your device is your language preference, stored in localStorage. It never leaves your browser. It has no opinions about you.

This is the entire privacy policy. We would make it longer, but there is nothing else to disclose.

Last updated: 2026. Will not be updated again unless we start collecting data, which we won't, because we don't want to know.

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This Website Does Not Use Cookies We store exactly one value in your browser: your language preference. That's it. No analytics. No tracking pixels. No fingerprinting. No third-party scripts phoning home to tell advertisers you're interested in scrotal statistics. We find it ironic that a website dedicated to monitoring a global human behavior monitors absolutely none of yours. I Understand I Don't Understand But OK Cookie Settings By clicking anything, you acknowledge that this banner exists solely to satisfy your expectation that websites should have cookie banners. We have nothing to consent to. Cookie Preferences Strictly Necessary Cookies Required for the website to function. We use zero of these. This toggle is locked on because that's what cookie settings panels do, and we respect tradition even in its absence. Language Preference Stores your selected language in localStorage. This is the only piece of data we save. It never leaves your device. It doesn't know your name, your location, or your scratching habits. Analytics Cookies Track user behavior across the site, build demographic profiles, and report engagement metrics to stakeholders who definitely exist. We use none of this. Advertising & Targeting Cookies Enable personalized ads based on your browsing behavior. Imagine: targeted ads for premium underwear, anti-itch cream, and motivational productivity apps. We spared you this. You're welcome. Social Media Cookies We could add a "Share on LinkedIn" button so you can post your visit to a ball-scratching statistics website to your professional network. We chose not to. Your career is safe. Performance Cookies Our site is a few kilobytes of HTML and JavaScript. It loads faster than the time it takes you to read this sentence. Performance monitoring would be like hiring a personal trainer for a goldfish. There's nothing to enable. Switch to light theme Switch to dark theme